Sex Ed: Women vs. Men Fantasy Types

Who fantasizes about what—and why.

By Jay Dixit

Everyone knows the usual scenarios—the mysterious stranger, the threesome, meeting and making love to George Clooney. But sexual fantasies are more varied than we imagine, says Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and author of Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women's Sexual Fantasies.

In scripted fantasies—which we conjure while having sex or daydreaming, and which involve characters and follow a narrative—women mostly cast themselves in six roles, found Maltz: 

1. The Pretty Maiden (object of another's desire) 
2. The Victim (object of humiliation or violence) 
3. The Wild Woman (initiator of sex) 
4. The Dominatrix (who exerts power over others) 
5. The Voyeur (who watches others having sex) 
6. The Beloved (who intimately connects with a lover of equal power)

Unscripted fantasies are more fleeting—often triggered by objects in our environment—and focus on images or sensations rather than characters or a traditional storyline. Among women, these often portray the building and releasing of tension—mimicking the sexual response cycle itself—and involve images not usually considered sexual, such as horses galloping, flowers blossoming and releasing perfume, trains cresting hills, or storm clouds gathering and then spilling their water. Men have abstract fantasies too. One man imagined his wife was a diamond, and he a ray of light shining into her.

Fantasies reflect the stimuli we're exposed to during our sexual awakening, says Maltz, the way drug addicts learn to associate the stimuli present when they get high—shot glasses, rock music, drug paraphernalia—with pleasure itself. One subject experienced her first orgasm when jumping into a swimming pool, then found her fantasies as an adult all involved water. A girl who first experienced sensual feelings on a swing set might have kinesthetic fantasies. A boy who gets his first erection watching a girl brush her hair might have fantasies involving hair.

Our fantasies also reflect our anxieties, says Michael Bader, author of Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies. A woman insecure about her attractiveness may fantasize about driving men crazy with desire—say, inducing a police officer, president, or priest to step out of his normal role—or of having sex while men watch. A woman worried she's too much for a man may fantasize about being overpowered. As one female subject put it, "My desire is like a wave crashing on the shore. I don't want to worry about whether the shore can take it."

Powerful men, meanwhile, may fantasize about relinquishing that power and being dominated. Studies show men are actually more aroused than women by fantasies of being restrained, dominated, or spanked, says Bader. As sex researcher Nancy Friday put it in Men In Love, the secret wish of men is "to be done to." 

MALE FANTASY

• Graphic and visual
• Impersonal relationship dynamics; multiple or interchangeable partners.
• Focus more on body parts and explicit sex

FEMALE FANTASY

• Multisensory, including touch
• Romantic situations, emotional involvement; think the soft-focus mood-lighting of perfume ads
• Can be abstract, like flowers blossoming.

What are some of the things you fantasize about?

Gynecologists Designed G-Spot Vibrators that Supposedly Get You to a 'Third Level Orgasm'

What's the third level of orgasm? I believe there is complimentary pizza and an extensive magazine selection. A cursory Google search shows me, accompanied by an illustration of a mandala, that the third level of orgasm involves much more fulfillment, cuddling, humming, and camaraderie than other levels. "You may find yourself moving into a dream state, then become talkative." If that's what the third level of orgasm really is, the Ultimate G sounds a lot like pot brownies. So hand it over.

The main, erm, shaft targets the g-spot while it's two buddy arms go after the inner clitoris, as opposed to the outer clitoris like other sex toys. 

We can't believe all sex toy makers don't seek out the help of medical professionals who could draw a labia with their eyes closed - but there you have it. You learn a new thing every day. 

Sex Butters, They're Not For Toast

Whether you’re a couple or all alone, I endorse Sex Butters 100%. They smell great, taste great, and it actually makes you feel like you’re having healthier sex (or masturbation).

If you’re in the market for a sexual lubricant, you need to try some of these get Sex Butters.

If you like sex. I should probably try this.

10 Health Benefits Of Masturbation For Men

By Ipshita Kumar

How do you like your ‘me-time’? Do you like to fly solo? Yes, we’re talking about good old masturbation.

And however you do it (or don’t do it), there is nothing wrong with taking some time to pleasure yourself, getting to know your body, and exploring what turns you on. And just as taking a shower should be a regular occurrence, so too should be cleaning your pipes, as the health benefits of masturbation are galore. 

Here are the 10 reasons why you should take matters into your own hands right now:

Manages Premature Ejaculation

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Sex therapists across the globe have found that men who experience premature ejaculation during sexual intercourse can benefit from masturbation about 2 hours before sex. This enables them to have a longer duration of intercourse before another ejaculation comes on.

Prevents Prostate Cancer

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A 2003 Australian study found that men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer. Disease-causing toxins build up in your urogenital tract and when you rub one out, you flush the bad guys out of your system.

Makes You Harder

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With age, you naturally lose muscle tone…even down there. Regular sex or masturbation works out your pelvic floor muscles to prevent erectile dysfunction and incontinence. It keeps the angle of your dangle perky. You must aim to (well!) arrive three to five times a week for rock-solid results.

Improves Sperm Motility

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Some studies found that masturbation improves some quality and motility. “Theoretically, a man masturbating before intercourse releases the residual sperms in the semen transporting tubules. This paves way for new ‘better’ sperms which are released during the sexual act and increase the chances of conception, which can add to your health benefits,” says Dr Mahesh Nawal, an Indore-based sexologist and President of ASECT.

Helps You Last Longer

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Taking yourself to palm prom may help you stretch your sack sessions. Train yourself by timing how long it takes you to orgasm, suggests Dr Nawal. If it usually takes two minutes solo, try for three next time. Or count how many strokes you need to get to your happy place. If you’re spurting after 50, shoot for 60. Practice makes perfect, right?

Reduces Nasal Congestion

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Another small study demonstrated reduction of swelling of vessels in the nose during sex and masturbation. This theoretically may improve on symptoms of the common cold, hay fever, allergic rhinitis and other such health-related ailments.

Manages Stress And Depression

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Masturbation has been used in the management of stress, as it results in release of feel-good hormones, called oxytocin, in the body. It has also been found useful in dealing with depression.

Ups Your Immunity

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Ejaculation increases levels of the hormone cortisol, says Dr Ashish Sabberwal, senior consultant of urology, Fortis Escorts Institute, New Delhi. Cortisol, which usually gets a bad rap as a havoc-wrecking stress hormone, actually helps regulate and maintain your immunity in the small doses. “Masturbation can product the right environment for a strengthened immune system,” Dr Sabberwal says.

Boosts Your Mood

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Masturbating releases a slew of feel-good neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin that lift your spirits, boost your satisfaction, and activate the reward circuits in your brain. An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available, and benefits your health in more than one way.

Prevents Pregnancy And STDs

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Last but not the least, this one is for both you and your girl! For couples not intending to get the girl pregnant, masturbation is a safe way of attaining sexual satisfaction without vaginal penetration which would otherwise lead to an unintended pregnancy. If the man’s penis is rubbed around the vulva and spills sperms there, there could be a chance of getting pregnant. Masturbation poses no risk of contracting an STD. However, mutual masturbation may however result in exchange of sexual fluids when partners touch each other’s genitals, says Dr Nawal.

As a last note, masturbation will not put hair on your palms, make you go blind, kill a kitten, cause infertility, or make you turn gay! What it rather does is allow you to understand your body better, help you to release tension and pursue sexual pleasure on your own, provide an option for a safer sex activity with partners, and let you explore your own fantasies. As the saying goes, who can really love you more than yourself?

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How to find the right sex toy

'I want to start using sex toys – help!'

As one female reader asks how to spice up her sex life using sex toys, Dr Petra Boynton offers the low down on what sorts of toys are available, where to buy and what's appropriate for you.

I want to surprise my boyfriend perhaps by buying a vibrator. What’s the best way to do this? I’ve never used one before.

I suspect I’m not alone in imagining the scene when you surprise him with a vibrator. Leaving good-natured humour aside, let’s focus on what might suit you both.

What does he want?

Frequently we’re led to believe from sex advice books or articles that everyone loves sex so there’s no need for clarification, leading to the unhelpful stereotype all men like anything sexual they’re offered, and will never have questions or concerns. If he’s already mentioned liking toys it’s still worth having a conversation. If this isn’t something you’ve ever discussed or you’re even sure he wants to do, don’t assume without asking.

He may have some anxieties – it’s not unusual for partners to worry that they would be replaced or feel intimidated by a vibrator. The resources linked to below might reassure him here. Alternatively he may be very keen, or perhaps not bothered either way.

What about you?

You say you’ve not used a vibrator before. It might be this is something you’ve always wanted to try or feel will be a big turn on for you. You might want to explore using a toy alone before introducing the idea to your boyfriend. Sometimes we feel pressure from the media and sex product manufacturers that if we’re not having frequent sex with a box full of gadgets by the bed then we’re boring or deficient. Be certain, before you offer to buy and use a toy, this is something that appeals to you both.

If it turns out he’s as keen as you then it won’t be a complete surprise if you get a toy, but you can still control how and when you show him to add elements of suspense or anticipation if desired.

Thinking about toys

Considering toys can be helpful because it involves you focusing on:

• communication
• identifying your wants and desires and articulating those
• hearing and responding to your partners wishes
• exploring together what feels good
• being mindful you have the right to change your mind at any time

It’s also an opportunity to consider other things you’ve perhaps wanted to do (which don’t have to just involve genital stimulation). As well asenhancing other areas of your relationship.

You’ve used the word ‘vibrator’ but people can often use this to mean other ‘sex toys’. Some sex toys aren’t designed for genital use at all but may stimulate other body parts and can be used for pleasure, pain or restraint. On reflection you both may desire something not for genital play. Or may be for genital stimulation but not be a vibrator.

How do you want to use your toy?

Below are links to a number of thoughtful resources by Cory Silverberg that will he you identify if you want a toy to use:

• on yourself while he watches or holds you?
• on him?
• alongside intercourse, or that both of you can share/swap?
• in bed, or somewhere else? Do you need a toy that’s waterproof (for use in the bath or shower)?

Where to buy

You can buy sex toys online or in adult stores. Some pharmacies sell a limited range of products. The quality of products and sales advice can vary. It’s okay to shop around both the outlets that sell toys as well as considering different toys to suit your needs before you make a final purchase. Looking for toys together and discussing this might be a turn on in itself.

Other things to think about

Accessibility

Not everyone finds toys easy to use – particularly if there are problems with mobility or chronic pain. Often sex toy guides don’t focus on diverse genitals. This resource explains how to adapt toys to your individual needs.

Lubricant

Toys can be very enjoyable but if you are using them in or around your genitals or bum using a lubricant is important to avoid discomfort. Check you pick a lubricant that’s suitable for use with your toy.

Hygiene

Remember you will need to keep your toys clean, and if you’re swapping between your or his bum and your genitals then you potentially can spread bugs. Using different toys for anal and other stimulation is a good idea, or covering phallic shaped toys with condoms if swapping between holes or using with other people. More on hygiene here

What next?

You’ve several choices, so having talked about toys you might decide they are something you:

• keep as fantasy but don’t try in practice
• use toys, but on yourself/alone rather than with each other
• use together, in front of or on/in each other

You might find toys become an integral part of your sexual life, particularly if involved with fantasy or role-play. They could be an occasional treat. Or a product that ends up discarded at the back of your sock drawer. You might have to shop around to find the right toy for you.

The decision is both of yours to make.

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A Hundred Orgasms A Day - Extraordinary People

I just watched that whole thing...Now I'm going to go have a few of my own, hello, vibrator!

Orgasms For Your Health

Did you know just how healthy your orgasm really is?

Since this month is both ‘Womens Health’ and ‘Masturbation’ month, we thought it would be a great time to list just how healthy the female orgasm really is. 

Check out our top 5 reasons on why your orgasm is amazing for your health, whether you go solo or with a partner!

1. Better sleep and less stress Giving yourself the bliss of an orgasm before bedtime, doesn’t just create waves of pleasure for you (and your partner), it also tells your cozy-feeling hormones (namely endorphins) to come out and release their sedative effect.

2. Pain relief and migraine cures Orgasms’ good vibrations release ‘analgesia’ in your body; a natural pain suppressant. The most natural way for a women to reduce any body aches or pains is through the automatic relief of the female orgasm.

3. Stay in shape, protect your heart and connect with your partner The ‘oxytocin’ flush brought on by an orgasm not only reduces stress and lowers blood pressure levels, it also increases empathy and communication. Your orgasm is a sexy way to burn calories, keep your heart happy and improve your relationship.

4. Naturally fight infections, cold and flu Have an “O” and those cold and flu bugs get up and go. Well not quite, but a woman's orgasm does have the power to reduce the risks of pesky colds and flu by up to 20%.

5. Look younger with healthier skin The sexiest way to feel great, and look 10 years younger, is to make love three times a week (or more!) with someone you feel amazing about! During orgasm the ADHE level increases which also enhances healthy skin.

Try the We-Vibe

Cupcake Vibrator with 5 Modes

So cute, so sweet, but what a naughty treat!

The Cupcake vibrator is a life-size sex toy that fits in the palm of your hand and looks good enough to eat. The Cupcake is made from the softest silicone and boasts two speeds and three pulsation patterns. An on/off button is situated underneath the cup to achieve the five combinations. Each Cupcake comes with two AAA batteries, a retro mini baking tin and a beautiful 1950's style pinup girl tag.

Buy Now

Myths About Masturbation

The history of masturbation contains many bizarre and hard to belief moments of misinformation. Whether it causes blindness, insanity, acne, or hair growth, masturbation has been both the most reviled and most commonly practiced sexual behavior on the planet. To this day many of us are raised believing certain myths about masturbation. If you’re still trying to separate fact and fiction consider these common myths and the facts that debunk them.

Masturbation Is For the Young

In fact, masturbation is a life long sexual activity. Surveys regularly show that anywhere from 70 to 95% of adult men and women masturbate. And while this may slow down as we age, many of us continue masturbating into our golden years. One survey of 800 adults over 60 found that that 46% of them masturbated, another found that 20% of seniors masturbated once a week or more. Masturbation isn’t just for the young, nor is it an “immature” form of sexual behavior.

Masturbation Isn't "Real Sex"

Masturbation is real sex. When you masturbate you can get really aroused, which can result in very real orgasms. In North America, we put values on different sexual behaviors, but this has no basis in science. From a health perspective, masturbation is as “real” a sexual behavior as intercourse, oral sex, or kissing. And research shows that people in relationships masturbate, which contradicts the myth that masturbation is only for loners.

Masturbation Is Bad For Your Health

This myth originated with an anti-masturbation tract that was written in 1712 as a way to sell a bogus “tonic” that was supposed to stop the disease of “self-pollution”. Through the years there have been many colorful attempts to pathologize masturbation. They say it will make you go blind, it will give you acne, and it will grow hair on your palms. All claims that have been refuted by science. Today virtually all physicians and scholars agree that masturbation is harmless.

Men Have to Masturbate, Women Don't

While most statistics show that men do masturbate more than women, there is no evidence to suggest this is due to some biological “need” on the part of men to masturbate. What is true is that social attitudes toward female masturbation are much more negative, and this likely impacts both women’s early masturbation and their willingness to report masturbating in a survey. There is no research to suggest that the desire to masturbate is tied to biological sex or even gender.

People In Relationships Don't Masturbate

This common myth often drives people in relationships to masturbate in private hiding it from their partners. Survey research shows that people of all ages masturbate when they are in relationships. Kinsey’s survey found that almost 40% of men and 30% of women in relationships masturbated. A study of Playboy readers found that 72% of married men masturbated, and a study of Redbook readers found that 68% of married women masturbated.

Too Much Masturbation Is Bad For You

With very rare exceptions, frequent masturbation is not harmful. If an individual is compulsively masturbating or is unable to engage in any sexual behavior other than masturbation (and would like to), it is possible that there may be reason to consult a mental health professional. But masturbating, whether it is once a month, or three times a day, if it is part of a balanced sexual and social life, poses no specific risks.

Only Certain Kinds of People Masturbate

Survey research debunks this myth that only certain people masturbate. Whether you are 19 or 99, religious and conservative or secular and liberal, whether you are a parent, grandparent, uncle or aunt, whether you get around on your own two legs or use a wheelchair, scooter, crutches, or roller-skates to get around, almost everyone has masturbated at some point in their lives, and most of us continue to do so.

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Some Documented Health Benefits Of Masturbation:

Health Benefits for Men

— Improving his immune system’s functioning.

— Building his resistance to prostate gland infection.

— Making for a healthier prostate.

Health Benefits for Women

— Building her resistance to yeast infections.

— Combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with their menstrual cycles, like cramps.

— Relieving painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.

— Relieving chronic back pain and increasing her threshold for pain.

Health Benefits for Both Sexes

— The safest kind of sex, keeping you free of sexually transmitted infections.

— A great form of stress relief.

— A mood booster in releasing endorphins.

— A natural sleep sedative.

— A mechanism for building stronger pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to better sex.

— A natural energetic pick-me-up.

For couples who masturbate on occasion or regularly, sex with yourself can:

— Be empowering, especially by helping you to feel better about your body, genitals and sexual response.

— Deliver some of your most intense orgasms ever, which you’ll now know how to recreate with that special someone!

— Increase your sexual awareness, giving you the opportunity to discover what turns you on – the sensations and movements that work best to give you the greatest of sexual gratification.

— Have the potential to enhance your sex life in general, boosting your sexual confidence and turning you into a better lover.

— Get you or your partner off the hook if neither is available or not in the mood.

Read More. (source)

10 Explosive Female Orgasm Types

[Via: 10 Explosive Female Orgasm Types (Must-Know Info!)]

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