How To Buy Her A Sex Toy

Silicon, rubber, metal, or glass

You don’t want to go overboard with the first sex toy; keep this one simple, subtle and functional. Silicon and rubber have the most life-like feel to them and are always a good choice. They are also very safe, and warm up under a hot tap easily.

Metal is a bad choice because it is quite cold to start off with, though its firmness may be the selling point. Metal can look quite attractive too, and since sex toys aren’t the most gorgeous things on earth, it’s a plus if they’re not ugly.There are some very beautiful glass dildos available. Glass offers a very smooth sensation, and can be cooled or heated to give her some variety. Opting for the "Joe-blow average" toy is your best bet. Stick to the basics. If in doubt, go with silicon. Silicon is neither too soft nor too hard and is durable and hygienic, making it an excellent choice for sex toys. 

Quality vs. cost

Don’t scrimp and save on this toy because you want quality. Having a toy not work or fall to bits at the crucial moment is going to make you look like a cheapie — a mortal sin in chick-talk! 

Presenting it to her

There are a number of ways to do this. If you want it to be a surprise gift, the classiest thing you can do is have it wrapped and posted straight to her with a sexy note. If you want to use it with her, you could put it under the pillow and give it to her on the spur of the moment, though this approach could have negative consequences if, for some reason, she has a problem with your purchase.  If you have any doubt about the reception you will receive, opt for the safety of the shore: Warn her, and give it to her in a non-sexual situation so she doesn’t feel pressured or uncomfortable. Make it funny or sexy — in other words, make it special in some way. It is highly likely that upon receiving your thoughtful and sexy gift, she will not be able to stop smiling and giggling.  

She'll turn it on and get turned on

Buying your girlfriend a sex toy doesn’t have to be a traumatizing experience. Finding a good shop, whether online or downtown, makes life a lot easier: The staff will be educated, the packaging will be discreet and the toy will go the distance and handle the punishment dished out to it. It takes balls for a man to buy his woman a sex toy without her input, so give yourself a pat on the back for being so brave and courageous — and let her enjoy the fruits of your labor.

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How to find the right sex toy

'I want to start using sex toys – help!'

As one female reader asks how to spice up her sex life using sex toys, Dr Petra Boynton offers the low down on what sorts of toys are available, where to buy and what's appropriate for you.

I want to surprise my boyfriend perhaps by buying a vibrator. What’s the best way to do this? I’ve never used one before.

I suspect I’m not alone in imagining the scene when you surprise him with a vibrator. Leaving good-natured humour aside, let’s focus on what might suit you both.

What does he want?

Frequently we’re led to believe from sex advice books or articles that everyone loves sex so there’s no need for clarification, leading to the unhelpful stereotype all men like anything sexual they’re offered, and will never have questions or concerns. If he’s already mentioned liking toys it’s still worth having a conversation. If this isn’t something you’ve ever discussed or you’re even sure he wants to do, don’t assume without asking.

He may have some anxieties – it’s not unusual for partners to worry that they would be replaced or feel intimidated by a vibrator. The resources linked to below might reassure him here. Alternatively he may be very keen, or perhaps not bothered either way.

What about you?

You say you’ve not used a vibrator before. It might be this is something you’ve always wanted to try or feel will be a big turn on for you. You might want to explore using a toy alone before introducing the idea to your boyfriend. Sometimes we feel pressure from the media and sex product manufacturers that if we’re not having frequent sex with a box full of gadgets by the bed then we’re boring or deficient. Be certain, before you offer to buy and use a toy, this is something that appeals to you both.

If it turns out he’s as keen as you then it won’t be a complete surprise if you get a toy, but you can still control how and when you show him to add elements of suspense or anticipation if desired.

Thinking about toys

Considering toys can be helpful because it involves you focusing on:

• communication
• identifying your wants and desires and articulating those
• hearing and responding to your partners wishes
• exploring together what feels good
• being mindful you have the right to change your mind at any time

It’s also an opportunity to consider other things you’ve perhaps wanted to do (which don’t have to just involve genital stimulation). As well asenhancing other areas of your relationship.

You’ve used the word ‘vibrator’ but people can often use this to mean other ‘sex toys’. Some sex toys aren’t designed for genital use at all but may stimulate other body parts and can be used for pleasure, pain or restraint. On reflection you both may desire something not for genital play. Or may be for genital stimulation but not be a vibrator.

How do you want to use your toy?

Below are links to a number of thoughtful resources by Cory Silverberg that will he you identify if you want a toy to use:

• on yourself while he watches or holds you?
• on him?
• alongside intercourse, or that both of you can share/swap?
• in bed, or somewhere else? Do you need a toy that’s waterproof (for use in the bath or shower)?

Where to buy

You can buy sex toys online or in adult stores. Some pharmacies sell a limited range of products. The quality of products and sales advice can vary. It’s okay to shop around both the outlets that sell toys as well as considering different toys to suit your needs before you make a final purchase. Looking for toys together and discussing this might be a turn on in itself.

Other things to think about

Accessibility

Not everyone finds toys easy to use – particularly if there are problems with mobility or chronic pain. Often sex toy guides don’t focus on diverse genitals. This resource explains how to adapt toys to your individual needs.

Lubricant

Toys can be very enjoyable but if you are using them in or around your genitals or bum using a lubricant is important to avoid discomfort. Check you pick a lubricant that’s suitable for use with your toy.

Hygiene

Remember you will need to keep your toys clean, and if you’re swapping between your or his bum and your genitals then you potentially can spread bugs. Using different toys for anal and other stimulation is a good idea, or covering phallic shaped toys with condoms if swapping between holes or using with other people. More on hygiene here

What next?

You’ve several choices, so having talked about toys you might decide they are something you:

• keep as fantasy but don’t try in practice
• use toys, but on yourself/alone rather than with each other
• use together, in front of or on/in each other

You might find toys become an integral part of your sexual life, particularly if involved with fantasy or role-play. They could be an occasional treat. Or a product that ends up discarded at the back of your sock drawer. You might have to shop around to find the right toy for you.

The decision is both of yours to make.

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Orgasms For Your Health

Did you know just how healthy your orgasm really is?

Since this month is both ‘Womens Health’ and ‘Masturbation’ month, we thought it would be a great time to list just how healthy the female orgasm really is. 

Check out our top 5 reasons on why your orgasm is amazing for your health, whether you go solo or with a partner!

1. Better sleep and less stress Giving yourself the bliss of an orgasm before bedtime, doesn’t just create waves of pleasure for you (and your partner), it also tells your cozy-feeling hormones (namely endorphins) to come out and release their sedative effect.

2. Pain relief and migraine cures Orgasms’ good vibrations release ‘analgesia’ in your body; a natural pain suppressant. The most natural way for a women to reduce any body aches or pains is through the automatic relief of the female orgasm.

3. Stay in shape, protect your heart and connect with your partner The ‘oxytocin’ flush brought on by an orgasm not only reduces stress and lowers blood pressure levels, it also increases empathy and communication. Your orgasm is a sexy way to burn calories, keep your heart happy and improve your relationship.

4. Naturally fight infections, cold and flu Have an “O” and those cold and flu bugs get up and go. Well not quite, but a woman's orgasm does have the power to reduce the risks of pesky colds and flu by up to 20%.

5. Look younger with healthier skin The sexiest way to feel great, and look 10 years younger, is to make love three times a week (or more!) with someone you feel amazing about! During orgasm the ADHE level increases which also enhances healthy skin.

Try the We-Vibe

Luv Touch

Looks can be deceiving. The Neon Luv Touch Bullets may look simple, but this is an extremely convenient and effective female sex toy. This cool little bullet vibrator is the perfect addition to your toy collection or as your first toy. 
(click on any image for more detail)

  

Keeps A Secret Better Than Your Best Friend

Lockable Vibrator Case Large (Black)

If you own sex toys, then one of your fears is having them discovered by prying, nosy little eyes. Put your mind to rest with this lovely secure LOCKABLE sex toy storage case. The key-less locking system is a great way to keep all of your naughty secrets just that, SECRET!

"Make no mistake, this case will not keep out the determined, but it will keep out the casual snooper or at least let you know it was tampered with. This case was slightly larger than I'd originally anticipated, longer than wide. There are two individual dial locks on each side and I think you can set each to a different combination should you feel the need. The case is discreet and my partner commented that it looked exactly like a makeup case. It is light but for the money pretty stiff :) The adjustable, folding shelf on the inside helps to accommodate the larger toys but still allows liquid items to safely sit above and separate from the other items."

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