Why Buy Sex Toys?

Pleasure

In a society where sexual pleasure and guilt are associated, it's not surprising that sex toys have gotten a bad rap just for being themselves. It goes without saying that sex toys are best enjoyed with no guilt attached. They require no justification; sex toys are pleasure for pleasure's sake. They offer us a unique opportunity to explore our bodies in new and exciting ways. You'll no doubt discover more about sexual desire and probably discover a few new erogenous zones as well. Sex toys are simply a gateway to pleasure.

Fantasy

For those of us in monogamous relationships, it's often difficult to explore our sexual fantasies. Being faithful is more important than living out your deepest desires. Toys give us the opportunity to indulge our fantasies in a completely safe environment. In this sense, sex toys can be an extremely helpful addition to any loving relationship. It's nearly impossible for one person to satisfy every facet of another's desire. Sex toys can help by providing a new element to your sexual ritual without the complications of the actual realization of your fantasies.

Inspiration

An uninspired performance in the bedroom can be a real strain on your relationship. With the daily stresses of life, sex can often take a back seat to more pressing matters. Whether it's families or careers, our lives are busier than ever and intimacy often feels the squeeze. So why not introduce something a little risqué to the proceedings? Sex toys give couples a chance to explore each other and have a light-hearted laugh along the way. Adult toys are a wonderful way to spice up your sex life.

Sexual Health

Sex toys are good for you! There are some interesting and well-documented health benefits associated with the use of sex toys.

During menopause, most women experience some thinning of the vaginal wall. Studies indicate that the regular use of a dildo can help maintain vaginal tone.

Women who have trouble reaching orgasm can also benefit from the use of sex toys. Many leading experts on the subject recommend the use of a vibrator to help overcome orgasmic difficulty.

Common Myths

Myth #1: My partner wants to use sex toys. I must be sexually inadequate.

Whenever buying (or considering buying) a sex toy, it's a good idea to consider the feelings of your partner. Discussing sex toys with your partner before introducing them into your sex lives is not only respectful, but in many cases quite necessary. Many people assume that sex toys are purchased to fulfill some sort of sexual inadequacy. This is most often not the case. Discuss your reasons for buying a sex toy with your partner; it's usually necessary to prevent any hurt feelings.

Most people buy sex toys because they're an enjoyable way to explore new possibilities. It's fun to explore sexual potential whether alone or with a partner.

Myth #2: I'll get addicted to sex toys and won't be able to reach orgasm without them.

There's a very human propensity to become familiar with a particular form of stimulation. Whether it's cunnilingus from your partner, or vaginal penetration from your dildo, there are some forms of stimulation you count on to get you off. You can become addicted to your vibrator just as easily as you become addicted to a particular practice with your partner. It can happen, but you are not helpless to control and change it. Experiment with new positions, new toys, and new activities. Keep trying new things and you'll never be sexually dependent on any one particular practice.

Myth #3: Using a vibrator will cause damage to my genitals.

There's absolutely no physiological basis for such an argument. Vibrators can occasionally make genitals feel numb during or immediately after use but the sensitivity will always return. Experiment with different forms of stimulation during sex play to decrease any numbing effects.

You can pick up your passion prop at your local sex shop. Or, if you want to be a little more private about your purchase, you'll find plenty of well-stocked online boutiques (like pinktrickle.com ) that list items with pictures, descriptions, and specifics about cleaning and storage. 

Some playthings pointers: Read the instructions before using. Avoid materials that may give you an allergic reaction (e.g., latex), and wash your toy with antibacterial soap and hot water before and after use and let it dry completely. If your carnal contraption is made of a porous substance (like jelly rubber or cyberskin, which are harder to clean than nonporous products like silicone), or you want to use your toy vaginally after using it for anal action, cover it with a condom each time it's used to make sure it's clean.

You can find an excellent selection of brand name sex toys, bondage and fetish and other erotic products @ pinktrickle.com

Sex Ed: Women vs. Men Fantasy Types

Who fantasizes about what—and why.

By Jay Dixit

Everyone knows the usual scenarios—the mysterious stranger, the threesome, meeting and making love to George Clooney. But sexual fantasies are more varied than we imagine, says Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist and author of Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women's Sexual Fantasies.

In scripted fantasies—which we conjure while having sex or daydreaming, and which involve characters and follow a narrative—women mostly cast themselves in six roles, found Maltz: 

1. The Pretty Maiden (object of another's desire) 
2. The Victim (object of humiliation or violence) 
3. The Wild Woman (initiator of sex) 
4. The Dominatrix (who exerts power over others) 
5. The Voyeur (who watches others having sex) 
6. The Beloved (who intimately connects with a lover of equal power)

Unscripted fantasies are more fleeting—often triggered by objects in our environment—and focus on images or sensations rather than characters or a traditional storyline. Among women, these often portray the building and releasing of tension—mimicking the sexual response cycle itself—and involve images not usually considered sexual, such as horses galloping, flowers blossoming and releasing perfume, trains cresting hills, or storm clouds gathering and then spilling their water. Men have abstract fantasies too. One man imagined his wife was a diamond, and he a ray of light shining into her.

Fantasies reflect the stimuli we're exposed to during our sexual awakening, says Maltz, the way drug addicts learn to associate the stimuli present when they get high—shot glasses, rock music, drug paraphernalia—with pleasure itself. One subject experienced her first orgasm when jumping into a swimming pool, then found her fantasies as an adult all involved water. A girl who first experienced sensual feelings on a swing set might have kinesthetic fantasies. A boy who gets his first erection watching a girl brush her hair might have fantasies involving hair.

Our fantasies also reflect our anxieties, says Michael Bader, author of Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies. A woman insecure about her attractiveness may fantasize about driving men crazy with desire—say, inducing a police officer, president, or priest to step out of his normal role—or of having sex while men watch. A woman worried she's too much for a man may fantasize about being overpowered. As one female subject put it, "My desire is like a wave crashing on the shore. I don't want to worry about whether the shore can take it."

Powerful men, meanwhile, may fantasize about relinquishing that power and being dominated. Studies show men are actually more aroused than women by fantasies of being restrained, dominated, or spanked, says Bader. As sex researcher Nancy Friday put it in Men In Love, the secret wish of men is "to be done to." 

MALE FANTASY

• Graphic and visual
• Impersonal relationship dynamics; multiple or interchangeable partners.
• Focus more on body parts and explicit sex

FEMALE FANTASY

• Multisensory, including touch
• Romantic situations, emotional involvement; think the soft-focus mood-lighting of perfume ads
• Can be abstract, like flowers blossoming.

What are some of the things you fantasize about?