Love and marriage: Keep sex fresh, frequent

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Few married couples expect their sex to remain as steamy as it was during the initial passionate throes of the relationship, but when sex slips far down on the agenda, alarm bells start ringing: How often should we be doing it?

That depends, of course, on what both partners want. But on average, married couples have sex 66 times a year, or a little more than once a week, according to the 2005 General Social Survey conducted by the National Opinion Research Center. Frequency of sex for married couples varies by age: Couples 18 to 29 are friskiest, reporting sex 109 times a year, while couples in their 60s do it 32 times yearly.

That's not to suggest that couples should try to keep up sexually with the Joneses; if both partners are happy with a low- or no-sex relationship, there's no reason to dust off the fuzzy handcuffs.

But when one or both partners are dissatisfied with their sex life, it plays an enormously negative role in a marriage, and is a top reason couples get divorced.

About one in five married couples are considered to be in nonsexual relationships, meaning they are sexual together fewer than 10 times a year, McCarthy said. Long-term unmarried couples have a bigger gap: One in three unmarried couples who have been together two years or more are nonsexual.

People who feel sexually abandoned should examine what they're missing, because there could be alternative ways to fulfill their needs. Do they want more orgasms? Or is it skin hunger, a desire for more closeness or intimacy?

While every couple is different, as a general guideline, couples should aim for nondemand pleasuring four to seven times a week (such as touching, cuddling, foot rubs) and intercourse one to three times a week, McCarthy said. It energizes a couple's bond, makes each partner feel desired and desirable and boosts self-esteem. Read more at www.freep.com

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